How to improve our relationships in the Lord

(Colossians 3:18-22)

The truth about the words of the Bible all relate to relationships. If you look at the Ten Commandments, they were all given so that people would have better relationships, with God and with others.

So it is important in God’s eyes that we learn how to improve our relationships in the Lord. It was certainly important under the Old Covenant, and it is even more so in the New Covenant.

The New Covenant was God showing us what His relationships ought to be like with mankind. He sent Jesus to provide us an example of how to improve our relationships in the Lord. He taught us how to relate to one another and to God. And these scriptures today expand these insights and teach us how to improve our relationships in the Lord.

It’s all about relationships

No doubt you have heard at some point in your Christian walk that we are building a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

In various places Jesus called His disciples his friends, and the Church is being groomed as the Bride of Christ.

Jesus taught us to pray referencing God Almighty as our Father. This is the relationship of a parent and a child. And He often refers to us as “His children.”

From all of these different references we see that our walk in Christ is all about relationships. And that being the case it is then very important that we learn how to improve our relationships in the Lord, firstly with Him and then with one another.

Before continuing then, let us look at the scripture under review today.

18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing the Lord. (Colossians 3:18-22)

Husbands and wives

The first relationships this scripture talks about is the relationship between a husband and a wife.

This is one of the most important relationships two people will ever have. It is the relationship that God chose to express the relationship between Christ and the Church. Christ is the groom and the Church is the Bride of Christ.

So it is important that we learn to strengthen this relationship.

Today, the institution of marriage is severely under threat. Current statistics show that 42%-45% of marriages fail in the first year. This is actually down from where it was in the 1980’s, but the main reason for that is not because it is getting better. The reason for the drop is because fewer couples choose to marry, and that is also an issue in God’s eyes.

God intended for a man and a woman to marry and stay with one another. He does permit divorce as the Bible tells us, specifically for unchastity. And it is interesting that one of the main reasons for divorce today is still infidelity. After all, who wants to stay in a marriage where there is no love, trust, respect, or loyalty?

Other major reasons for divorce today are: incompatibility, substance abuse, physical or mental abuse, no communication, financial problems, refusal to commit, and sex life problems.

The fact that many choose not to enter into marriage while living as a couple is equally as bad. There is no real commitment and either party could just choose to walk away at any time…and they do.

How to improve your marriage in the Lord

This brings us to the wisdom in this scripture. Many of the issues listed above leading to divorce are encapsulated in these few words of verses 18 and 19.

These verses instruct wives to obey their husbands. Does that mean blind obedience? No, it does not. Blind obedience is slavery, and a wife is not to be a slave. Husbands and wives are equal partners in the marriage, but they have different roles. If a disagreement arises in the marriage over something, it needs to be discussed and an agreement reached. And the wife should be obedient to that agreement.

Likewise, the husband is called to love his wife and not to be harsh with her. Again, if there is a disagreement it should be discussed and if the wife has a better solution, out of love for his wife the husband should accept her wisdom. And in the same way the wife should accept the wisdom of her husband when he has the best solution to the problem or issue.

When both solutions seem to be equally appropriate, then the wife should obey her husband. This is the way of the Lord. And the husband should be man enough to also respect the wishes of his wife and perhaps even integrate her solution or parts of it into the resolving their disagreement.

All should be done for the sake of peace and love within the marriage. And as the Lord has established these processes, we can be guaranteed that they work.

Relationships with children

The next two verses consider relationships between children and parents. If we want to know how to improve our relationships in the Lord with children, then these are particularly useful pieces of advice.

First we are told that children should obey their parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. In fact this principle was enshrined in the Ten Commandments also and it came with a promise.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” (Exodus 20:12)

God wants children to obey their parents and gives the promise of a longer life when they do. And it makes perfect sense. The parents have life experience and can guide their children so they don’t do stupid things that could harm or even kill them. Just by listening to their parents when they say not to do something will lengthen their life, especially with things that are dangerous like fire, electricity, chemicals, and the like.

So the promise of a longer life is logical because the child will learn not to do dangerous things.

But even more, the promise of longer life was given by God for obedience to His will by following the advice and instruction of parents. There is a spiritual dimension that is promised for obedience to parents. And so for children of any age, this is an excellent piece of advice on how to improve our relationships in the Lord.

The scripture also warns fathers not to provoke their children. Provocation hurts and discourages children. They become discouraged and less likely to obey. They may even go astray and do wrong for they may cease to respect the authority of their parents.

Warnings to slaves

Fortunately, slavery is not the issue today that it was when these words were written. That is not to say it does not exist and is not still a serious problem in some parts of the world, although it is more likely to associated with illegal or criminal activities.

But if we use this same warning about the relationships between slaves and their masters in the sense of employers and employees, the same truths apply.

If we are to receive the respect and commendation of our earthly masters, we need to act and speak in a way that is beneficial to their needs and goals. We need to be positive and good employees, looking out for what is in the best interests of those who pay our wages.

And most importantly, we need to let the love of the Lord shine in our dealings with employers and employees by showing the respect, honour, loyalty, and diligence they are due. And not just when they are watching. Do you want the approval of your employers? Do you want them to consider you an asset to their business and reward you as such?

Then do right by them and receive their approval, AND the approval of the Lord.

So when it comes to how to improve our relationships in the Lord it is quite simple. These pieces of advice in the scripture are not hard to do and will lead to great benefits in all of our relationships, most especially with God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

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